Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
