so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
