Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
