he thought i was a dude.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
