I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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