Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Randomize
