Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
