maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
