I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
