HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
