Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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