moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
