i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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