just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
