Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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