ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize