I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Randomize
