Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
