maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
