piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
