im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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