Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
