When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
