I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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