Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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