ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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