The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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