she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Your penis caused this!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
