Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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