Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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