Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Randomize
