My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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