and my herpes radar will keep us safe
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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