I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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