Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
