1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize