Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
