If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
porn star boner night. come get it.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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