i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
