Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
