she was so not down for the gang bang
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Randomize
