bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
