i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
