I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize