We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
