Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize