Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
