false alarm. still invincible.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
