I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
How's work?
Spinning.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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