ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
