i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize