no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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