Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Be still, my beating vagina.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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