Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I CAN MOONWALK!
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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