ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
