just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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