if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
