I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
