Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize