I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
