I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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