Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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