I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize