I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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