last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
