Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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