When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
It was a blind-side dick pic.
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