guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
