Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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