He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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