so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
