he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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