I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
We just shotgunned beers for America
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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