her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
