I'm pants shitting drunk right now
It was confusing and full of hummus
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
