...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
